I am second guessing myself. Probably taking things too seriously. However, it's what I do. Constantly think about fucking things up instead of going with the flow of things and just letting myself be happy. I am so goddamn paranoid all the time. Worrying about the next time I am going to get fucked over or when something in my life is going to go wrong. I hate feeling this way. I used to be so positive and never let things bother me.
I've started spending time with someone. I won't say who because it's none of anyones business. And people always talk, always have an opinion on something. Also, I don't think he wants anyone to know...maybe thats why I won't say anything. I dont know. He's really nice, makes me smile alot and is gorgeous. I am, however, taking the "Shelby Caution Steps" with him. I think he knows that. It's been a long time since I've had someone who liked me back..it feels nice. I think i am letting my paranoia get in the way, though. I just need to relax and let things happen. I mean, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason...right?
ugh, anyway
Christmas couldn't be coming on any stronger for me. Constantly carols play throughout my office, spiced apple candles lit in every room. I think the managers are trying to force relaxation on us employees. It's kind of working.
I missed writing in this thing, i will keep it up. Makes me feel alot better when i write and can say what I want without having to talk to someone and read the discontent on their face when I tell them how my life is going, thanks!
Even though there is a lot of Christmas spirit around my office, I really don't want to be working today...or ever for that matter. I would so much rather lay in bed watching movies and wrap myself up in blankets until i sleep forever. God, i love sleeping. It's the only time i get when I don't worry or care whats going on in my life.
until tomorrow..
xoxo
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2 comments:
Baby,
I am sorry if I have said anything discomforting in relation to the situation at hand. I honestly think though that it is okay to second guess, and it is okay to take precautions. That is how you make sure you don't get hurt like you did last time. Noone wants history to repeat itself when it comes to being heartbroken. I think he is a good guy and I think it is obvious that he likes you. But when it comes to the details of what is going to happen next or where things will be taken, only he can tell you what he expects. It is hard to confront someone about things when you know bringing them up may just make them worse. I don't know what I would do if I were in your place. Just be careful [and not just with him, but any other guy that may come along in the future]. If things don't work out the way you hope, then at least you didn't jump right in.
I love you.
I hate that I know exactly how you feel.
But, we are so careful because we've been so hurt. I'd hope that people can understand that.
As I said before, maybe the right thing to do is just to enjoy yourself. Why does it have to be serious right away? Even if you've known soemone a while, it doesn't mean that you know it all. Get to know him more, enjoy spending time with him, have fun. Whatever is meant to be will be.
Even if it doesn't turn out exactly as you hoped it would, you may come out of the whole situation with incredible experiences and moments that you'll never forget.
There are no guarentees for the future, you have to work with whats given to you. But, don't shoot yourself in the foot. Don't turn away from something that may give you happiness in the end because it's not guarenteed. Nothing is guarenteed.
Sometimes, you just have to live and enjoy the moment to see what moment comes next. You never know.
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