family is everything

My confidence has dropped in the past year. I am constantly weighing myself and checking myself in the mirror all through out the day. I feel disgusting and I can't believe I've let myself get this way. I know the way people look at me, I hear the comments. I know. I've been working really hard this week on watching what I eat and getting a good work out routine going (thanks to cassie, and my sisters treadmill). I feel ashamed when I think how I would rather look the way I did two years ago (WITH the disorder) then now. It's a mindfuck, i know.

I feel like I am missing out on life. I don't want to go to clubs because I think it's stupid and pointless, and I would rather be in my room all day then socializing with old friends. I normally come home, lay in bed, and listen to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack.

However, on a lighter note, I will say that I am without a doubt looking forward to Christmas. It is my favorite time of year and my spirit normally kicks in the first day of November. I love the weather, lights, music, and all around appearance. I enjoy buying my loved ones presents and smelling the tree in my living room. Now if only I can find someone to snuggle up to this holiday season....righhhhttttttt

Enclosure,

I miss my family back in Massachusetts.
I love you Papa, Uncle Jeffery, Uncle Jimmy, Aunt Kathy, Uncle Tony, Cousin Erick, Cousin Chelsea, Cousin Timothy, Cousin Jessica, Cousin Nicholas, Cousin Maddie, Aunt Edwina, Uncle Billy, Aunt Beth, Cousin Nora, Cousin Kathrine, Cousin Patrick, Cousin Eileen, Uncle Michael, Cousin Mike, Cousin Heather, Cousin Angelina, Uncle Jack, Cousin Jennifer, Cousin Ryan, Cousin Sean, Aunt Pat, Uncle Greg, Cousin Mikey, Cousin Gregory, Cousin Christina, Cousin Stevie, Uncle Kevin, Cousin Kevin, Aunt Deb, Cousin Meagan, Cousin Kristen, Cousin Dale, Cousin Dale, Cousin Sierra, Cousin Dana, Aunt Kim, Uncle Danny, Aunt Eileen, Barry, Aunt Sheila

I really love you ALL, see you soon