In not easy being a girl

Theres a lot weighing me down. I feel like I can't be honest with the people I need to. When have I ever been scared to tell someone what I was feeling or what is on my mind? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I had such an urge to cut off all my hair tonight. I get in these moods where I feel the need to drastically change my appearance. Normally I have to sit down and talk myself out of it. It's really hard being a female. There is so much competition. Men these days are so picky. Every girl has to be a certain weight and body shape. Hair can't be too short or too long. Style has to be one way or another. Whatever happened to men loving women because they are beautiful as they are? I doubt that has ever been true. I have always been insecure about my appearance since I started dating early on in my teens. The boys I've been with instilled that in me. I remember my first boyfriend ever told me I was too chubby (now I was 14 at the time and still had that baby fat). Well what the hell, even my LAST boyfriend went around telling people I needed to 'get into shape'. Maybe it's just the guys I am choosing or something really is wrong. Guess I don't have to worry about that too much considering I am on my diet haha.

I watched a few movies tonight by myself. 'The last kiss' was kind of a chick flick but also a lesson in itself to teach guys to stop being fuckheads to the women they have. Cute girls come and go but the real ones you want to hold on to are the ones waiting at home for you with dinner on the table and a whole bunch of love. Whoever I am going to marry better feel fucking lucky. I will make it my duty to be the best wife possible. In a dream world, I would be a stay at home mother. However, in this day and age I doubt that would ever happen. Regardless, I know I will be an amazing wife. Thats if...I ever do get married.

Just one more thing to stress myself about.