.

2009-01-02T10:52:00.001-08:00

2008 was shitty
i am getting rid of this thing

this is my new one

http://scedrone.blogspot.com/

I've got you under my skin

2008-12-29T06:30:00.000-08:00

I went to bed at 6pm last night. This weekend my sleep schedule was completely off. Going to bed at 5 am and sleeping until 8 at night cannot be an option for me. However, I did have alot of fun in those late night hours that I was awake ;].

Christmas was F A N T A S T I C. I have so much love and appreciation for my family I can hardly stand it. I am so blessed and I am also very thankful to have them as mine and no one elses.

Currently at work trying not to fall asleep, wish me luck.

all the love,
xoxox

heres to you

2008-12-23T05:36:00.000-08:00

Cassie and I talked for hours last night. One thing about her is she doesn't bullshit around with me and try to make me feel better. She just tells it how it is. I completely love her for it. I feel that we are completely on the same page with what we are dealing with in our lives. Not necessarily a GOOD thing however, it is nice to have someone relate to what you are dealing with. I love you girl!

I woke up this morning with the chills, stuffed nose, and a sore throat. Great thing to get before the holidays and before I see my little spoon. Yea you don't know.

I hope all is well with everyone, and Merry Christmas.

xoxoxo

Dear "Nobody"

2008-12-22T12:36:00.001-08:00

At first, your comments were flattering and appreciated. Now they are quite disturbing. Please stop.

i feel like i should go

2008-12-22T07:07:00.000-08:00

I feel sick. I couldn't sleep last night due to many failed attempts at being positive and relaxed. If one of my friends were feeling this way I would probably just tell them to get the fuck over it and themselves. It's harder when it comes to yourself and your own feelings, though.

You would think since I have the house to myself for two weeks that I would feel awesome and independent on having my own space for a while. However, It's just made me feel lonely as fuck. Also, I hate having all the lights off because I always get up in the middle of the night to get some water, and it's scary. I'm still scared of the dark, no kidding.

end note:
I'm considering shaving my head and moving to ireland.

xoxo

2008-12-18T05:32:00.000-08:00

"You know me, I'm impulsive"

Maybe I have unrealistic expectations thinking I deserve everything that I want. I am so stubborn and selfish sometimes that I don't think of others needs. I am sorry for being a girl whos emotions are on hiatus.

__________________________

The weather is sad today. Lets cry about it.

I hope my brain stops working.

2008-12-17T09:55:00.000-08:00

I am second guessing myself. Probably taking things too seriously. However, it's what I do. Constantly think about fucking things up instead of going with the flow of things and just letting myself be happy. I am so goddamn paranoid all the time. Worrying about the next time I am going to get fucked over or when something in my life is going to go wrong. I hate feeling this way. I used to be so positive and never let things bother me.

I've started spending time with someone. I won't say who because it's none of anyones business. And people always talk, always have an opinion on something. Also, I don't think he wants anyone to know...maybe thats why I won't say anything. I dont know. He's really nice, makes me smile alot and is gorgeous. I am, however, taking the "Shelby Caution Steps" with him. I think he knows that. It's been a long time since I've had someone who liked me back..it feels nice. I think i am letting my paranoia get in the way, though. I just need to relax and let things happen. I mean, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason...right?

ugh, anyway

Christmas couldn't be coming on any stronger for me. Constantly carols play throughout my office, spiced apple candles lit in every room. I think the managers are trying to force relaxation on us employees. It's kind of working.

I missed writing in this thing, i will keep it up. Makes me feel alot better when i write and can say what I want without having to talk to someone and read the discontent on their face when I tell them how my life is going, thanks!

Even though there is a lot of Christmas spirit around my office, I really don't want to be working today...or ever for that matter. I would so much rather lay in bed watching movies and wrap myself up in blankets until i sleep forever. God, i love sleeping. It's the only time i get when I don't worry or care whats going on in my life.

until tomorrow..

xoxo

2008-10-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

These past two days have been without a doubt the scariest days of my life. My mother had a seizure yesterday while doing yard work in my Aunt Eileens backyard. Shes been trying really hard to be relieved from alcohol and I guess it did a number on her system. The medication shes been taking in her stay in the hospital has made her loopy and tonight the nurses had to use restraints on her. this completely breaks my heart. Before i left to go home, I looked over my mom as she was sleeping and prayed the hardest I ever have in my life. My mother makes mistakes but she is me and I couldn't survive without her. Please keep my mom in your prayers, and for those who aren't religious please keep her in your thoughts.

if travel is searching..

2008-10-12T18:27:00.001-07:00

I am so flustered with emotions right now. Tonight my friends lost each other. I probably had something to do with it. However,it was going to happen eventually. It's hard when the inevitable happens and you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do you lie to this person, or do you lie to that person? Do you love this person more, or do you love that person more? Stick me in a room with both of you and tell me which one to shoot and I promise I'd choose myself. I won't let either of our personal relationships change because you're both with me forever. Climb over the mountain.

moving on...

My girlcore has been on hiatus this weekend. Car rides and long distances can make someones perspective so much more confusing. I still wonder how my life turned out to be this way. I would love to just rewind to last year when I was happy and not worried about anything. I feel like there is so many different directions I could go towards but I can't choose. Do I move away and be where I've always wanted to be? Do I stay here to watch the only love of my life (my niece) grow up without me. Selfish decisions come with consequences. I get so Influenced by others that my wants/needs get pushed aside. But at the end of the day it comes back to what my heart wants, which is to get away from this place. It's getting worn out from being put on pause so much, but I am too scared to just do it.

catch 22

2008-10-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

I get dizzy when I think about all the love I have building up inside for you. I am going to keep it with me forever. I am not going to fight for a losing battle. One because I have too much respect for you, and two, because I will never admit it. Here on out I'll call you Catch 22.

I can feel the season changing. The colder it gets the more my heart warms up knowing that Christmas is just around the corner. Winter romances are the best, especially when you have warm lips kissing your cold skin.

c'mere

2008-10-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

I want all of you.

family is everything

2008-10-01T20:38:00.000-07:00

My confidence has dropped in the past year. I am constantly weighing myself and checking myself in the mirror all through out the day. I feel disgusting and I can't believe I've let myself get this way. I know the way people look at me, I hear the comments. I know. I've been working really hard this week on watching what I eat and getting a good work out routine going (thanks to cassie, and my sisters treadmill). I feel ashamed when I think how I would rather look the way I did two years ago (WITH the disorder) then now. It's a mindfuck, i know.

I feel like I am missing out on life. I don't want to go to clubs because I think it's stupid and pointless, and I would rather be in my room all day then socializing with old friends. I normally come home, lay in bed, and listen to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack.

However, on a lighter note, I will say that I am without a doubt looking forward to Christmas. It is my favorite time of year and my spirit normally kicks in the first day of November. I love the weather, lights, music, and all around appearance. I enjoy buying my loved ones presents and smelling the tree in my living room. Now if only I can find someone to snuggle up to this holiday season....righhhhttttttt

Enclosure,

I miss my family back in Massachusetts.
I love you Papa, Uncle Jeffery, Uncle Jimmy, Aunt Kathy, Uncle Tony, Cousin Erick, Cousin Chelsea, Cousin Timothy, Cousin Jessica, Cousin Nicholas, Cousin Maddie, Aunt Edwina, Uncle Billy, Aunt Beth, Cousin Nora, Cousin Kathrine, Cousin Patrick, Cousin Eileen, Uncle Michael, Cousin Mike, Cousin Heather, Cousin Angelina, Uncle Jack, Cousin Jennifer, Cousin Ryan, Cousin Sean, Aunt Pat, Uncle Greg, Cousin Mikey, Cousin Gregory, Cousin Christina, Cousin Stevie, Uncle Kevin, Cousin Kevin, Aunt Deb, Cousin Meagan, Cousin Kristen, Cousin Dale, Cousin Dale, Cousin Sierra, Cousin Dana, Aunt Kim, Uncle Danny, Aunt Eileen, Barry, Aunt Sheila

I really love you ALL, see you soon

rough

2008-09-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

it's hard when you know you're falling in love with someone, and you can't stop yourself.

2008-09-07T16:02:00.001-07:00

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:6

Stormy weather

2008-08-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

My heart is missing everything about you. Distance makes the heart grow fonder? Try Impossibility. I miss the idea, and the smiles.

My head is confused. Torn between others influence and my own decisions. Is it so hard to find content in solitude?

I am dealing with more issues on voicing my opinion on things. I've learned to not be so out spoken but I feel that I should start my old ways again. I don't like the way you are acting, or the people you surround yourself around. You're losing me and don't even know it. Fix it.

2008-08-18T19:51:00.001-07:00

I love you so much Grammy, my heart breaks but you're there..mending the pieces.

2008-08-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

They say everyman goes blind in his heart
And they say everybody steals somebody's heart away
And i got nothing more to say about it
Nothing more than you would me

roadtrip

2008-07-31T05:26:00.000-07:00

Ohio next weekend. I can't tell you how happy I am to get away.

weak

2008-07-26T20:47:00.001-07:00

Though things are changing, I feel like my life is moving slowly. Theres so much I want that will never happen and it feels pointless trying to achieve whatever it is I am looking for. I can't believe it's so hard to be happy.

summer lovin'

2008-07-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

Last night was amazing, I saw Heath Ledger play the most amazing role of his life (short lived). It was everything I expected and more. Especially Batmans HILARIOUS voice. Nonetheless, Christian Bale...you are one sexy ass man. xoxo

I want to spend the rest of my summer with friends. Soaking up the sun and swimming in circles around the pool. Winter is my favorite season but nothing compares to summers heat weighing heavy on my chest. I am so excited for Cassie and I's road trip to Ohio. Driving through the valley and taking in all the scenery. Driving through sunrise with the windows down listening to old John Mayer. Perfect.

I miss my Jasmine. Shes down in the dumps lately and it makes me sad that shes doubting my commitment to our friendship. So I'll take this time to tell you how much I love you and that I am completely jealous you can lip-sing to Rhianna's Umbrella so well. Remember at the end of the day..if you're a bird, i'm a bird. Enough said, Right? xox

2008-07-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

Make sure it happens more often..

shy that way

2008-07-19T20:49:00.000-07:00

I get so flustered thinking about you, I wish it could be easier. You know, all the complications..no you don't know.

I feel as if life is slowly coming back together. I am thinking my head is starting to be sewn back on straight. Once I am over this headflu, I plan on getting back to my goal of making life easier. My voice is pretty much gone, and I have been sneezing all over myself. Where is my dream cute boy to take care of me at?

this is for you, cute boy..wherever you are:

It's been a while

2008-07-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

I wish I could lay in bed all day, watching rain collect in the cracks in my room only to fill up my walls and come crashing in from all directions.

I have baby hearts spewing out of my chest. Everything would be easier if life happened the way it did in my dreams. I promise I'd sleep forever.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
say you'll come and set me free
just say you'll wait you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh I heard you sing
I wouldn't change a single thing

2008-07-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

Going on a road trip next month to Ohio. Cassie is having a family reunion. I think we are going to walk on rail road tracks and check out flea markets while we're up there. Hopefully seeing our dreamy Amish boyfriend Joshua.

2008-07-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Timbo showed me how to use a power drill today. I'll put the video up later on.

Tour of my room

2008-07-08T12:41:00.003-07:00

i seriously hate the way i talk, wtf have i ALWAYS sounded like that?

tired

2008-07-08T05:03:00.001-07:00

2008-07-07T13:10:00.001-07:00

I want to move back to Massachusetts...asap.

<3

2008-07-07T11:44:00.000-07:00

Heres a video off my office. Nothing special, i promise.

Let it rain on me

2008-07-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

Very nice weekend. Spent my 4th floating in circles around my moms swimming pool. Dad came to see us kids, made my day. I've always been a daddys girl. He told me to not worry about anything regarding my living situation and money. It's a stress relief but I still feel ashamed that at 18 years old I continue to depend on him. He never fails to be amazing!

It rained all weekend. And to be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed it <3
Cassie and I spent our saturday (and sunday) watching sad movies, making cupcakes, and discussing how we want to live in a tiny quiet house where it rains all day. Cassie, Jasmine, and I. A home of estrogen and emotions on hiatus. Looking forward to it.

Alright, back to work.

xox

Happy 4th of July

2008-07-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

Today is nothing but cooking. Cheesecake pretzel crust strawberry pie. Better then sex cake. BBQ short ribs. more more more more.

lets put a smile on that face

2008-07-03T09:24:00.001-07:00

Jasmine came by my work and brought me presents! out of the blue! I love her so much, she always knows how to make my day better. She made me this really touching photo collage of us, and got me a really nice picture frame with my FAVORITE picture of us both . ALSO, she got me two fucking rad Dark Knight posters. If you don't know already, I am a huge batman fan. Have been ever since I was a kid. Amazing. I love you Jasmine.

Listening to Milosh and loving today. Family BBQ tomorrow, and then Cassies for the weekend. I think things are going to be good.

much love

xoxox

2008-07-03T06:22:00.001-07:00

i really like it when i come in terms with a lot of things that are snapping inside of me. i like it when i understand myself more. it's not about being lonely if you trust yourself.

2008-07-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

I am looking forward to this weekend. I have Friday off for the fourth of July. Probably going to my moms for a cookout. Nothing means more to me then having all my crazy northern family members fighting over food and swearing like sailors. Also looking forward to Cassie hooking me up with a sweet deal on a video camera (yes chris, I'm stealing your ideas!). Cassie is also going to be my gym buddy. Most likely getting a membership sometime this week.

So I found this picture of my sister when she was my age (only four years ago). Do people seriously think we look alike? Everyone says we're twins. DO NOT see it at all, whatever! Be the judge

Inspection

2008-07-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

Today I have an inspection with Danielle (one of the property managers/sisters bestfriend/practically my sister as well). What I am doing is driving around the community (a neighborhood) and writing down violations that the homeowners are committing. Such as, Parking a commercial vehicle in a drive way (no latters on top of cars, or magnets advertising your company), grass hasn't been cut, shutters that need to be repainted, toys in the common area, and over cleanliness of the properties. My job is pretty easy but I always have alot to do. Filing is probably the worst thing ever. It takes up most of my time and it seems to never be finished.

When I buy my flip this weekend I'll surely give a tour of my work. My cool office, and all the other things around here!

How does this make you feel?

2008-07-01T06:54:00.001-07:00

I love this song and this movie.

rise and shine

2008-07-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

Good morning everyone!

I am hoping today goes smoothly. I have a lot of work to do and I would rather not have disgruntled homeowners calling and screaming at me.

Oh and this weekend I am buying a video camera (copy cat of Chris wha wha wha).

It had to be you

2008-06-30T15:16:00.000-07:00

Please take notes, boys.

2008-06-30T06:25:00.001-07:00

Epiphany! Epiphany!

i can say it has taken me more than seven months but i am completely not bitter about my past relationships. & think i am more drained than anything. emotionally drained, but the fucking funny part is that i have so much emotion left over. it's ridiculous to feel this much when you don't seem to have anything left. i know i am growing. slow, but i am growing & learning to adapt to other humanly contact & their emotions too. i become real slow about everything when i am beginning to understand and care about someone else's feelings.

summer heat is killing me

2008-06-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

crush my heart some more.

hearts to my head

2008-06-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

I feel frustrated because i haven't had sex in a year. i am a very sexual & romantic person. i would glady spend an entire ~~weekend~~, ~~week~~, ~~month~~, year romancing a boy i care about. i'm not for casual sex, normally. I've realized I don't want to be attracted to someone just for the sex. I want to feel something behind the meaning. I think sex is beautiful. Orgasms are better and i love yous sound prettier when your heart is pounding loudly in your chest. I want to wake up next to a lover and roll over ontop of him and squeeze him and tell him how nice he smells.

being female is going to fucking kill me one day.

i want to wrap myself up in sheets and blankets and sleep for the longest time possible.

OH and I decided that this is what I am dancing to at my wedding..get into it!

home is where the heart is

2008-06-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

I decided when I get everything for my new place I am splurging all my money on this bed. If you haven't heard me talk about my 'genie' bed before, It was something like the picture featured above. When I lived in Columbia, I had this bed that I hung sheer curtains around the frame. I felt like I literally was in a genie bottle or a damn temple. It was amazing. I could sleep all day and just relax. I plan on buying this bed frame ^^ and attaching sheer curtains completely around it. I hope one day to have crazy amounts of awesome sex on it. Yep.

I can't wait to move. I can't wait to make my room exactly how I want it. I've already got everything planned out. Honey dew candles will continuously burn throughout the day. The walls are going to be a grayish blue with white Irish lace curtains (that I can sew thank god). Big black dresser with silver knobs and pictures all over my room. I might have my brother paint a huge art piece to go on a wall. Who knows. I am stoked though.

In not easy being a girl

2008-06-28T20:55:00.000-07:00

Theres a lot weighing me down. I feel like I can't be honest with the people I need to. When have I ever been scared to tell someone what I was feeling or what is on my mind? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I had such an urge to cut off all my hair tonight. I get in these moods where I feel the need to drastically change my appearance. Normally I have to sit down and talk myself out of it. It's really hard being a female. There is so much competition. Men these days are so picky. Every girl has to be a certain weight and body shape. Hair can't be too short or too long. Style has to be one way or another. Whatever happened to men loving women because they are beautiful as they are? I doubt that has ever been true. I have always been insecure about my appearance since I started dating early on in my teens. The boys I've been with instilled that in me. I remember my first boyfriend ever told me I was too chubby (now I was 14 at the time and still had that baby fat). Well what the hell, even my LAST boyfriend went around telling people I needed to 'get into shape'. Maybe it's just the guys I am choosing or something really is wrong. Guess I don't have to worry about that too much considering I am on my diet haha.

I watched a few movies tonight by myself. 'The last kiss' was kind of a chick flick but also a lesson in itself to teach guys to stop being fuckheads to the women they have. Cute girls come and go but the real ones you want to hold on to are the ones waiting at home for you with dinner on the table and a whole bunch of love. Whoever I am going to marry better feel fucking lucky. I will make it my duty to be the best wife possible. In a dream world, I would be a stay at home mother. However, in this day and age I doubt that would ever happen. Regardless, I know I will be an amazing wife. Thats if...I ever do get married.

Just one more thing to stress myself about.

2008-06-28T12:17:00.000-07:00

Watching harry potter. Finally figured how to send pictures from my cellphone to my computer. After 3 months haha. Whoops.

here you are:

2008-06-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

Alot of things on my mind, I'll update when I am feeling better.

être avec moi

2008-06-27T05:31:00.000-07:00

Goodmorning babies!

I am happy to announce that today is friday. Which means, I can wear pretty summer dresses and let my hair go crazy curly. I get off work around 3 today because all of our property managers are going to be in a training class. Jasmines coming to get me and we are going to see 'wanted' and then drive around town singing along to Celine Dion. Hopefully we find some awesome people to hangout with later tonight.

Surprisingly, I slept pretty sound last night. I think it might've been because my dream was just too good to wake me up. I had a boyfriend and he took me camping. We made a fire for night and swam naked in the river. Amazing. I think I actually had a dream about camping because it might've been the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep. I hear that happens. Maybe I might start thinking of really good things before I go to bed so I dream about it.

Okay, off to start my morning routine

xoxox

beddies

2008-06-26T20:09:00.001-07:00

I am about to plummet into my bed, where it's freezing cold. I could sleep forever, really.

heres whats on my sleep cd:

-sigur ros
-milosh
-explosions in the sky
-james newton howard
-danny elfman
-radiohead
-portishead

come sleep
xox

girlcore hurts

2008-06-26T18:04:00.001-07:00

i want to be able to demand attention whenever my emotions become too much for me to handle. i'm achey inside, the kind that makes you pull the covers over your face and sleep til 4pm.

I just need to sleep. I wish it would rain endlessly. I just want to sleep for years. let eveything soak up the atmosphere, let everything soak up in me. I just need to slow down.

I made a cd for the weeked. I plan on laying in bed all day saturday, wrapped up in my blankets and listening to the sad songs that make me wish I had better. It's sad when you have sympathy for your own self. (does that even make sense?)

on another note, i've been obsessed with this artist since i was 13-14 years old. He's not well known but hes completely amazing. I am determined to have amazing sex to one of his songs.

2008-06-26T18:01:00.001-07:00

2008-06-26T16:01:00.000-07:00

Just so everyone knows, I am going to take a nap in my bathtub. Those are always the best, I swear!

where am i?

2008-06-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

After spending almost 5 hours copying papers, I had to sit down. My back is killing me and I am really tired.

Happy that tomorrow is Friday. I get to wear jeans to work, sleep in because it's the weekend, and see my bestfriend. I hope her car isn't acting up like it was yesterday. However, she never fails to make a bad situation hilarious.

I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. I am living as a zombie. Though the thought of that is wicked awesome..you know, being a zombie...really not what its all cracked up to be. I am emotionally drained at this point. Constantly working and stressing out. Wake up, go to work, go home, and go to bed. Over and over. I miss taking the pleasure of small things in life. I miss stopping to smell the fucking roses. I'm turning into someone I always promised I never would be. Workaholic, stressbomb, irritable, ect. The list could go on. I am a ticking time bomb. This is why I am trying to plan a camping trip. Get away for a few days. All I want at this point is to sit by a river and just lay around all day, go skinny dipping and hiking. I love the outdoors so much (minus the fish, seriously no way).

I remember a few years back when Ashlee and I would go outside at night during the winter. Every evening it was probably around 20 degrees out. All dressed up with 3 pairs of sweatpants each, 2 pairs of socks each, big puffy jackets, and a huge blanket. We'd walk around for a bit until we found a place to spread the blanket out on. One of the best places was on this hill where we were away from all the Charlotte traffic (as much as you can be). It was so dark and cold out, but we just laid there for hours talking about life and what it meant to us. How people take for grantid everything God has given us. We'd cry for a while, laugh, drink a few beers (or whatever it was we had). I miss being innocent and hopeful. I just need a break to get back to myself. I miss me.

the girls are suffocating

2008-06-26T07:10:00.000-07:00

Already at work. Starting off ridiculous. I'll probably be making copies of cash disbursements until the end of the day. My feet are starting to hurt from these shoes and the phone is ringing off the hook. I think this bra is too small for my ever growing boobs. Looks like they are trying to jump out and say hey to everyone. Its not even 10:30 and I am ready for the day to be over. Can I please have some R & R?

Figured out what I am doing with Jasmine on Friday. We are going to see 'Wanted'. Staring Angelina Jolie (my fantasy woman) and James McAvoy (the man of my dreams besides Mark Wahlberg & Jason Varitek). I'll probably be having an orgasm in my seat. I tend to do that when i watch movies. Not really have an orgasm, but whenever one of my dream boat actors are starring in the movie I am watching, I go a little over board talking about how lick worthy they are. It wouldn't be so bad if I did that after the movie is over. However, thats normally all i talk about DURING it. I know it annoys everyone I'm around, but they wouldn't love me as much as they do if I didn't make obnoxious noises and vulgar statements while watching our flicks!

Okay, off to make copies all day.....

Carrie Bradshaw lives on.

2008-06-25T18:31:00.000-07:00

Jasmine took me out to lunch today, her car is acting up. It was hilarious driving down the road with her car continuing to stall in and out. Dangerous, but very funny. Went to waffle house, i got my usual and she tried something different which is really unlike her, but whatever! It was really weird because for the first time we had NOTHING to talk about. Theres only so many times you can talk about how it sucks being single or how there is no one in North Carolina we would consider wasting our time on. Well, not me anyway. Planning to move out of this place very soon. Not really sure where we (Jasmine would be right with me) want to go. Back to Columbia or Massachusetts has been talked about a few times. Hopefully whenever the time does come I have the guts to do it. Moving to Columbia last year was harder then i thought it would be. I missed a big part of the first few months of my nieces life. The important months. Luckily enough, I see her everyday now which has made up for the missed time. Leaving my family in general was hard. I feel so stubborn for everything that happened. So many people throw the 'i told you so!' at me. It's still surreal in a way. Six months already. It seems like it happened yesterday. But hey, for the best right? everything happens for a reason, right? Okay, okay..off sore subjects. Stoked for the weekend because Jasmine has Friday off. Hopefully causing some chaos. I feel at best when i am around her because she really knows how to cheer me the hell up. Just throw in a little Bon Jovi and some Moes and we are good to go. I love that girl.

Tomorrow i'll be working. As usual. Hopefully catching up on a few things. I've only been working there a few months and i already need a vacation. Thankfully, I have my own office where i can keep to myself when co-workers (my sister) become too much for me.

Recently i've become obsessed vintage pornographic/nude modeling photos, i just think they are really awesome and it makes me feel better to know that these girls have real bodies, just like me. Big hips, big legs, big boobs. Love it.

Just a thought, I've really been interested in starting a sex blog..asking questions and getting feedback. Something for girls to sit on (no pun intended) for a while, hoping that everything they want to know.. will be answered...maybe? After becoming a huge Sex and the City fan it's something thats been circling around my head. Oh well.